Arielle Baer

CONSCIOUSNESS REPORT #1
This is pretty much what I wrote in class - I thought it would make a good first attempt at a conciousness report because I noticed that while a lot of people were saying they had trouble focusing on something, there was only one thing I could focus on. I'm getting over a sore throat and the pain has managed to take up all my attention for the past few days. This reminds me of the whole mind over matter discussion, something that I clearly haven't mastered yet.

My throat hurts right now. It hurts like a fresh rug burn. Even when I focus on something else I can feel the scratching, subtle in the background. It makes me feel tired. It reminds me of night. Of having dreams where I'm in so much pain it forces me awake and the pain, I realize, is even worse when I'm consious. It's surprising & frightening.

I find myself swallowing. Constantly. Everytime hoping that maybe this time it won't hurt. It starts off ok but midway the burning returns & I wonder why i keep putting myself through this. My tongue is burnt from the all the soup & hot water. My mouth feels swollen. My dentist tells me my sinus line is unusually close to my teeth & thats why they always hurt. I thought she was crazy at first. She puts her hands in other people's mouths for a living. But now I feel it. It's like a little man, for some reason I imagine Mario & Luigi in their overalls, on my gums just pushing.

I swallow again.

CONSCIOUSNESS REPORT #2

So I was just reading/commenting on Chris' post about motivation and it made me realize that my motivation has been waning, seriously, frighteningly, in the past few weeks. I originally applied to grad school because work was boring me and I didn't really have any goals in life besides maintain a job that paid my bills and let me come into work in jeans and a t-shirt. My current job allows both (I work in the programming dept for Logo, MTV Networks LGBT channel). I’d tell you my title but it really doesn’t mean much and sounds a lot cooler than my job actually is – actually me just mentioning that I work for MTV Networks makes people think that I’m hanging out with rock stars all the time. It’s funny I don’t think people even register the word “networks” – which includes Comedy Central, all the Nickelodeons, Spike, CMT and so on. They pretty much own the world (Viacom will rule us all one day, beware!) so really it could be any of those. But mostly people think it’s me and Paris Hilton hanging out on the TRL stage drinking Cristal. If only.

CONSCIOUSNESS REPORT #3

So I was watching this made for TV movie, Helter Skelter , that my friend gave me a while ago. It's about the Manson family and the Tate murders. She was completely creeped out by the movie when she saw it, I think she couldn't sleep all night. She just wanted to get rid of it. And believing that almost anything free is worth watching, I gladly took it off her hands. It's actually not too bad for a made for TV movie. The acting wasn't terrible and it kept me interested, even though it was starring that actress I hate. Now, I wasn't anywhere as near as freaked as her, but then again she's really sensitive and I'm the girl that spent her youth going through the Horror section in her neighborhood Blockbuster. Let's just say that not much gets me, or rather now that I think of it I do get scared - but I like it.

Though I hate blood. Ugh.

CONSCIOUSNESS REPORT #4

I love living alone.
Ever since I moved out of my old apartment that I shared with two roommates and into my studio, I've been blissfully glowing in my sense of aloneness. Some strange things have arisen from my new situation though - I've realized I talk to myself a lot more. Not even to myself sometimes, just aloud. But this freedom is, well, it's freeing. I don't have to worry about bothering other people or worrying if they'll hear me. For example: I just stubbed my toe on my dresser. And it hurt. A lot. I screamed. Really loudly. Then continued to yell at my toe once it started bleeding. Loudly. (I mean come on my dresser is made of the cheapest plastic, this is clearly a melodramatic overreaction on the part of my toe)

CONSCIOUSNESS REPORT #5

All of this constant change in weather has got me thinking about SAD (seasonal affective disorder). In general, I'm not a fan of light (natural or not) or heat (though dry heat has had its moments), but with all these gloomy days, and my windowless hell of an office, I've noticed a definite change in my moods.

CONSCIOUSNESS REPORT #6

(so I just remembered that last night I dreamt about posting in this blog. I can't at all remember what though...)

Last weekend I went to go see 30 Days of Night the horror flick about vampires that prey on an Alaskan town during the month when they have no sunlight. Actually it wasn't really typical horror. There weren't moments where things jumped out at you or you were wondering what was behind the door. It was suprisingly good and very beautifully made. Yeah there was a lot of blood, which I'm never good with. Like I say my sister's the doctor in the family not me. She used to watch those televised surgeries, like while she was eating dinner sometimes. I never understood her. I just get really lightheaded when I see blood and ugh, just not my thing.

CONSCIOUSNESS REPORT #7

Well, I was trying to come up with something to write about for this thing when I decided to just go with what's right around the corner: my birthday! (woohoo!) Tomorrow I'm turning 24. There are so many things to talk about when it comes to birthdays. Growing up I always made such a big deal out of them, I guess I still do. But more in the sense that I make sure everyone knows that it's coming. I don't generally do anything for them, I just like to have people be aware.

Then I've always had friends who basically hid in a dark, warm corner for the duration of their birthdays. I could never understand what they were afraid of. Ok, getting older can be a bit of shock but I'm completely looking forward to it. I've always been friends with kids who were older than me, everyone I work with is substantially older than me (and they make sure to remind me of it, often) so I've never been afraid of age. I actually always remember embracing it.