Jennifer Trautwig

I think the idea of whose reality is it anyway is interesting. Sometimes we are more interested in the cure b/c the crazy people are making our lives difficult. That is always a tough issue--when to intervene in someone else's "crazyness." Sounds like you are tooling along on your project and that it will come together by deadline.

Maryellen

Hi Jennifer. I say go for it.

Your point--that the color/monochrome theme is important, but that you don't want it to take over--got me thinking. It would be difficult for that theme not to take over, because it's so high concept. BUT, that doesn't mean your story has to be about qualia and nothing more.

Jackson's original thought experiment is designed to investigate qualia, but maybe your story will show that qualia mean nothing out of context of a living being who is doing the perceiving. The artificiality of the Mary thought experiment is created through her isolation. It's an impossible scenario and one side effect is that it reduces her to a one-dimensional character.

What would happen to the Mary experiment if it were rendered in three dimensions? Maybe that's your question.

Just a thought!

Jennifer,

Don't be afraid to change the core story. As a writer I must tell you that many times what first comes to m is no where near as compelling as the finished project. Why? Because the first thing that comes to mind is never the genius of our work. Very rarely does that occur. It takes time to look at your writing and recognize what is really the most important aspect of your work and enhancing / emphasizing that. This could re-write the whole story. But do not be afraid to do so, you are not losing anything - the draft is already down.

I think what you want to focus the most on is the experience one could have in an institution that doesn't treat its patient well (whether ignorant or not) and how that individual may misinterpret that "care." If you've ever read house of leaves there is an appendix where one character's mother (Johnny Truant) sends him letters and throughout each letter you see the progression of her degeneration and misinterpretation of others in the institution. At times she is happy to be in their care, others she is violent. She even believes there is a new head of the institution when it is the same person, it is just that her view of him changes so dramatically that she believes its a different person.

I'm not saying copy this, but think about that level of insanity, why this character you created is in institutional care to begin with.

I really liked your story, and I especially liked the way "reality" seeps into the main characters "dream/reality."
The best advice that I can give you, since you are working on a piece of creative writing, is do what you feel is right for the piece. =)

As I said before, I really enjoyed your writing the first time around and I'm looking forward to seeing what you do with this piece. I think the voice is already in place; now the plot and the characters need to step into the light.

I wonder, would Mary reject the "color" world if she were offered the chance to join it? Like, does she prefer her "insanity" to the world of the "sane?" Or is she so miserable in her condition that she'll do anything to escape? It might be interesting to contrast the "sane" character's POV with that of Mary's so the audience can see what makes the "sane" world so (un-)attractive to Mary.

Just some thoughts. I think you're well under way to a fantastic project.