Jennifer Trautwig

I am sitting here at 8:46 am on Friday morning trying to just get myself moving . . . figure this blog thing out --what is consciousness anyway? Think Jennifer, think. . .

go for a run . . . maybe if I run with no music and just contemplate consciousness I'll have a spark of revelation . . . no odds are I'll just start singing in my head, although that would probably end up being the same lyric over and over and slowly drive me insane . . . okay, maybe bring the ipod just in case. . .

find a job . . . yes, a job would be good. . . I hate limbo . . .

finish unpacking . . . my mother was soooo wrong when she said unpacking was better than packing. . . total BS. Who knew you could live without so much crap. . . maybe I should just throw all the unpacked boxes away. After all, it's been 3 weeks and I'm not really missing much. .

Oh for crying out loud (what the heck does that mean anyway??) accomplish something . . . at this point anything really. . . maybe just get up and get another cup of coffee. . . coffee's good. . .

I'm realizing slowly that I'm accomplishing nothing because my brain is too inundated with the million and two things I need to do . . . so I do nothing. I hate that. It seems as if my brain has a life of its own as the thoughts ping pong incessently . . . a constant reminder that I should be doing this, no this . . . but wait, what about this. . .

Sometimes I think I should take up meditation or yoga . . . something that could help quiet my mind and bring inner peace and solitude. . . those people always seem so serene. . . I'd love to be serene and float around all day from one calm task to the next . . . my voice soft and soothing (my aunt has that kind of voice . . . I tried to emulate it once and it sent me into a coughing fit.) I did try yoga once . . . perched like a downward dog, I realized I was so bored I found myself eagerly searching for the ping pong thoughts rather than trying to calm them . . . I like ping pong by the way. . .

We had two yard sales this spring/summer and told our children (we have four) that we would get a ping pong table for the basement after we moved. . .

We moved the first week of August and then went on vacation for 8 days . . . we're still trying to unpack and put right the house. . . so far no ping pong table. . . the kids are getting anxious. . .

I wonder if we could all somehow tap into the action going on in my brain as a pacifier until the table in the basement becomes a reality . . . that'd be cool . . . and one heck of a crazy match . . .

oh yeah, consciousness. . . okay, maybe I'll try the run . . . sans ipod . . . deep breath . . . one foot in front of the other . . . open mind and senses . . . watch out consiousness, here I come.