Optimus2g

I haven't yet seen The Descent, but Professor Schecter, who worries me sometimes, is a big fan of psycho-killer, horror, and gore movies, and said that this film is actually based largely on the themes in Deliverance. Now, I'm not trying to imply that your dream is about anybody trying to make you "squeal like a pig" or anything by saying this. But Deliverance is a kind of "regeneration through violence" movie, as Schecter defines the genre, and so is the Descent. The panic and hopelesness that you experience in the dream is almost surely a reflection of the problems you say you are experiencing in your waking life and the realization that you are coming to of the depths of your own misery in your unconscious. In the novel Deliverance, the main two protagonists go off into the wilderness looking for adventure because there is a deep, unarticulated dissatisfaction with their stagnant, unfulfilling lives in the "real" world, that is, the civilized world. Their trip then decends into a sort of Conradian Heart of Darkness ordeal when one of their party is raped by a psychotic, animal hillbilly and the main protagonist is forced to watch and then almost raped himself, before the other main protagonist shows up and "delivers" him by killing the hillbily sodomite rapist with his bow and arrow. But this is not the true deliverance that is the point of the novel. The central hero of the story, as their boat is capsised and they are stalked by another hillbilly gunman, must find the fortitude, by digging deep within himself, to recognize that the horrific spectres of the savage hillbillies are actually dark, inverted doubles of his own self, and he must tap into a primal power within himself to overcome the wild landscape he is in and kill the man hunting him. He must, in other words, journey into the heart of darkness, which he discovers through this fearful outward journey, is actually within himself. The Hillbilly is pure savage, unrepressed id, and the hero up to this point has been all repression. In order for him to survive his ordeal, he must let go of some of that repression, and tap into the primal forces within himself that are at the same time violent but also vital, and dynamic. When the world becomes a wasteland for us, when the situation we have been living in becomes one that is no longer satisfying, in fact no longer tolerable, it is these vital, unconscious forces which begin to rise up, and which stirr us to enact a change. But these forces which are life and freedom affirming are also potentially violent, and one must face them and learn how to channel them productively if one is to effect a healthy regeneration of one's spirit that allows one to grow beyond the limitations of one's personal wasteland and reassimilate oneself into the society. Stories like Deliverance and the Descent offer striking instances of outward ordeals that are so violent, and horrifying, that they shock the hero into action, and a reclamation of the vital forces that, when turned inward, lead to an ultimate regeneration and revitalization. The outward forces are terrifying, but they are only catalysts toward the hero's facing the most terrifying ordeal of all, the confrontation of oneself. It seems to me that you are on the verge of such a personal ordeal, and the movie is a reminder of the outside forces in your life that have also brought you to this point, which, like the events in the movie, are panic-inducing and terrific. But to overcome it, you should realize that the trial exists now not mainly in the confrontation with your outside struggles, but the ordeal within yourself to revitalize and resurrect yourself into a person who is satisfied because you are able to cope with life's struggles and the suffering involved in them, and find meaning within them. That is the definition of a hero's struggle, and we are all heroes in this way because this process of psychic regeneration, whether it be through violence or non-violence, action or meditation, is one we must all undergo at various stages of our lives, as change, loss, suffering, and progress are essential parts of all human existence. You should check out Joseph Campbell's The Power of Myth for some further insight into this. I recently too, went through a series of ordeals, and reading this book has in many ways helped me to understand a lot of things about both myself, and human existence in general.

Will do Mr. Mxylplyx. Thanks for the advice. My relationship issues with my ex-fiance are what I chalk up all this angst to. It just spills over into so many other parts of my life, its not even funny. We break up and get back together a lot, but she's the one that does it--and did it again---al when I'm close to finishing and getting a job. Shit like this has done a number on me and it feels like I just can't catch a break anymore.