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February 2007 Archives

February 4, 2007

(Spring Blog #1) A Dream: Another accident themed dream

I had another rather scary flashback dream sequenceduring this winter break of ours related to driving again. I kept on waking up, time after time, after going to sleep with the feeling that I was about to get into an accident and woke up in a cold sweat---during Winter time, with a heater next to me---for the first few times. I don't know why I can't have fun dreams like other people do. There was just an eerie sense to this whole experience after awhile. I guess it just goes back to my accident a few years ago and my generally being a tight ass, never being able to relax (something my ex-fiancee always told me whenever she tried giving me a neck massage). Maybe I just need some muscle relaxant and/or some valium. Somebody PLEASE bring some to class next time; maybe this will help me to loosen up a little.

(Spring Blog #2) A Dream: What is a good night's sleep REALLY worth?

This is a question I'd really like to know the answer to, because recently I haven't been having any. Whenever I fall asleep I start to have flashbacks to things that haunt me during my waking life, and unlike waking life, where I can keep myself occupied with school work, my part-time job, and other everyday necessary tasks, I am unable to escape from these haunting thoughts in my dreams, and feel trapped whenever I go to sleep. I used to look forward to sleeping but now it just seems to be as dreadful as ever. Maybe I need to see a shrink, but things that I regret always seem to find their way back to me during my dreams lately, whether I like it or not. Maybe I deserve it too (guilt trips associated with my failed/screwed up relationship messing with me 24-7, flashbacks to other things I could have done with my life, and other assorted general shit, etc..). Things are just all the more difficult when you are unable to let things bounce off your back. I've been having dreams like this constantly for the past 2 weeks and it has had quite an effect on me (I've lost about 7 punds in about 2 weeks), which I try my best to not convey, especially with my student teaching going on now. It's just hard to get through the day. I wish I could just take a vacation from myself, but that's another dream altogether...

February 10, 2007

(Spring Blog #4) A Dream: Was I awake or not?

A few years ago, when I was asleep I woke up--or at least thought I woke up to see something floating around by my bedroom window, which I usually left open, with the weather being nice at that time, as I can recall. I saw what seemed to be this black ball floating in the air and I just remember freezing. I thought that I was hallucinating for a moment and to this day I'm not sure if I was or wasn't, but the entire experience seemed surreal. In my mind I was trying to come up with an explanation for this, but the best I could come up with was my eyes still adjusting to opening and that I was just excessively tired with my eyes playing tricks on me.

This experience ties into my research project somewhat about sleep paralysis but I still think about that moment of terror I felt when I saw what I thought to be this floating cloud like black ball in the air at that ungodly morning like hour. I just chalked it up to my losing my marbles and not being able to see straight so soon after waking up, but, it would defintely be something to think about if I actually wasn't being my paranoid old self and actualy did see something. Maybe I should call Jonathan Frakes from that old tv show, "Fact or Fiction."

(Spring Blog #3) Reflection on a poem of my choice: "Danny Deever" by the famous Victorian poet, Rudyard Kipling

Danny Deever

“WHAT are the bugles blowin’ for?” said Files-on-Parade.
“To turn you out, to turn you out”, the Colour-Sergeant said.
“What makes you look so white, so white?” said Files-on-Parade.
“I’m dreadin’ what I’ve got to watch”, the Colour-Sergeant said.
For they’re hangin’ Danny Deever, you can hear the Dead March play,
The regiment’s in ’ollow square—they’re hangin’ him to-day;
They’ve taken of his buttons off an’ cut his stripes away,
An’ they’re hangin’ Danny Deever in the mornin’.
“What makes the rear-rank breathe so ’ard?” said Files-on-Parade.
“It’s bitter cold, it’s bitter cold”, the Colour-Sergeant said.
“What makes that front-rank man fall down?” said Files-on-Parade.
“A touch o’ sun, a touch o’ sun”, the Colour-Sergeant said.
They are hangin’ Danny Deever, they are marchin’ of ’im round,
They ’ave ’alted Danny Deever by ’is coffin on the ground;
An’ ’e’ll swing in ’arf a minute for a sneakin’ shootin’ hound—
O they’re hangin’ Danny Deever in the mornin’!

“’Is cot was right-’and cot to mine”, said Files-on-Parade.
“’E’s sleepin’ out an’ far to-night”, the Colour-Sergeant said.
“I’ve drunk ‘is beer a score o’ times”, said Files-on-Parade.
“’E’s drinkin’ bitter beer alone”, the Colour-Sergeant said.
They are hangin’ Danny Deever, you must mark ’im to ’is place,
For ’e shot a comrade sleepin’—you must look ’im in the face;
Nine ’undred of ’is county an’ the regiment’s disgrace,
While they’re hangin’ Danny Deever in the mornin’.

“What’s that so black agin’ the sun?” said Files-on-Parade.
“It’s Danny fightin’ ’ard for life”, the Colour-Sergeant said.
“What’s that that whimpers over’ead?” said Files-on-Parade.
“It’s Danny’s soul that’s passin’ now”, the Colour-Sergeant said.
For they’re done with Danny Deever, you can ’ear the quickstep play,
The regiment’s in column, an’ they’re marchin’ us away;
Ho! the young recruits are shakin’, an’ they’ll want their beer to-day,
After hangin’ Danny Deever in the mornin’.


Rudyard Kipling’s (1865-1936) frightening poem, “Danny Deever”(1890) is characteristic of order and fear in the English Military Regiments. It is about the title character who is sentenced to death—hanging specifically—for shooting a fellow soldier. This poem is symbolic of a pro-establishment sentiment, displaying Kipling’s pro-military stance, which was certainly in keeping with the prevalent Victorian attitude with regards to this issue.

This poem may be interpreted to deliver the message that the witnessing of punishment stands out as a reminder of how people must maintain the traditions that have been passed down to them, in order to not cause any social upheaval, which would only turn out for the worse, if it were to reach that stage, as indicated by Danny Deever’s imminent hanging.

Other examples of Kipling’s rightist, pro-English, pro-establishment, and pro-military stances were at work in two of his other famous poems titled “Recessional” and the “The White Man’s Burden.” They reflected the haughty attitude that the British, as well as other Europeans had towards the lands they conquered and the people that they subjugated—which Kipling viewed ultimately as “a favor” and “honor” that the British were bestowing upon them, also in keeping with the concept of Victorian social betterment.

February 19, 2007

(Spring Blog #6) A Dream: Being shot...

Carl Jung would be proud of this entry because it jibes with his theory of the collective unconscious. I'm writing this blog because if what I read and responded to in another blog thread. I immediately recalled this same kind of dream upon reading it. Strange thing is this though: I didn't recall it well enough to write about it until reading about. I guess this triggered my suppressed memories of this dream, because I kow I'm not plagiarizing it---it actually happened, and many times to boot. I recall the sensation of getting shot and immediately waking up upon experiencing this "pain"--which felt REAL. Is it a racial memory

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Racial_memory#Racial_memory_in_Jungian_psychology">http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Racial_memory#Racial_memory_in_Jungian_psychology">http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Racial_memory#Racial_memory_in_Jungian_psychology(Click here to read mre about it).

I don't know. It is interesting that people have the same dreams though. Conclusion: We can ALL agree then that being shot is a bitch & a half.

(Spring Blog #7) A Dream: Lost in a Cave...

I had an odd dream about 2 weeks ago, which I wrote down, otherwise I would have forgotten about it:

I was "lost" in a dream of mine in which I was lost in a cave (make any sense?). I drew a parallel to my having seen the film THE DESCENT very recently on DVD, in waking life. The dream was strange, and I felt a sense of panic and helplessness. This is probably the perfect metaphor for my life right now, considering all the issues I'm facing, which are too long to go into in one blog entry. I woke up and felt like I was still in this cave and felt a total sense of disorientation upon awakening, only to forget about it almost completely a few days later. If I didn't remember to write it down in the planner which I'm starting to consistently use now for the first time in my life, then I would have forgotten what it was exactly that I'd deamt about that night in the first place. Isn't it strange how some dreams can be so memorable for the first few moments upon awakening from them, but then drift off into oblivion so soon afterwards?

(Spring Blog #8) A Dream: Daydreaming on the LIE...

First thing's first here...I actually ALMOST spun out of control on the LIE last week during the ice storm we had. My puny little Civic spun and I lost control and almost crashed into a Tractor Trailer in the center lane...talk about dream fulfillment...All that because I didn't want to be late for my student teaching class....turns out not everything should be about rushing. Anywho, escaping from my morbid almost "bit the dust" tale, I transition into a rather appropraite reverie about the purpose of all this crap about rushing and becoming slaves to the system/"Man" that I experinced this past week also while driving into Francis Lewis HS.

I was inching along for a class that I didn't make it into ontime for and spaced out there for a few seconds---don't worry the traffic was at a standstill. I was picturing the character of Bodhi from the 1991 film POINT BREAK, played by Patrick Swayze, pondering over how pathetic it was to be stuck in this kind of rat race mess of an existence. The quote that came to mind was this one:

"This was never about money for us. It was about us against the system. That system that kills the human spirit. We stand for something. To those dead souls inching along the freeways in their metal coffins, we show them that the human spirit is still alive." -Bodhi

That quote got me and lingered in my mind and I remembered it there in a moment of clarity that struck me as I was returning from my momentary reverie. I guess it was my way of coping with this madness. I'm often jealous that I can't just go and do whatever I want, WHENEVER I want, and resent this entire idea of conformity. That movie just stuck with me--especially the funny Keanu Reeves quotes (lol), but that's another laugh-a-thon entirely, deserving of its own thread. I just wish that I could be more loosey goosey and have that "FUCK YOU" attitude that I should have more of, and speak up more often then just go ahead and inch along on the highway in my "metal coffin"---which I almost ended up in ironically enough.

About February 2007

This page contains all entries posted to Optimus2g in February 2007. They are listed from oldest to newest.

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