My now ex-fiance still tortures me--only it's in my dreams, which is ironic considering that she no longer does so in real life, since we no longer speak, but that's another story. She once had a dream in which she spoke of seeing herself marrying another man and actually went ahead and described him to me (taller than me, brown hair, fairer skin). Now I normally would consider this as being psycho-babble and did so at the time, except it always haunted me. Why would she go ahead and say something like that to me? What's funny is that I would actually be on the lookout for guys who fit that description! Now, I do admit, that made me more than a bit paranoid, but this dream of hers certainly had a profound effect on me. This dream of hers could have easily been an example of wish-fulllment at work in her psyche, and this was justified to her through her dream. We actually had arguments over this, funny as it sounds! My way of making sense of this was to actually have a dream of my own in response to what she told me: In this dream I saw her with a little girl in her lap, while she was sitting and watching me play soccer, that seemed to be our daughter. Now when I relayed the dream to her see seemed to want to believe it but was hesitant to accept it. Now was this my own "dream-self's" response to her dream about the other man? I certainly thought it was, considering the timing. Shame I won't know...
Comments (3)
People, especially significant others, can certainly have powerful effects on our waking and sleeping life. Instead of interpreting her dream, your ex-fiancé took it literally. It was so compelling that you also took it literally. Instead of a dream, it became a chink in the armor, sort of an open wound. And that was powerful enough for you to have a response dream -- also taken literally. Who said dreams are insignificant?
Posted by Sonomas | September 28, 2006 1:30 PM
Posted on September 28, 2006 13:30
I'm sorry to hear your relationship didn't work out. It sounds like your dream-selves were spotlighting the insecurities you guys were having about your relationship.
I think it's possible to have a dream in response to another person's dream. I think Hartmann was the one who said that in our dream we are able to make connections in our minds better than when we are awake; it sounds like your unconscious was responding to the doubts her unconscious was expressing.
Posted by vitaminc | September 29, 2006 9:23 PM
Posted on September 29, 2006 21:23
It's so interesting that you have had dreams in response to someone else's dreams. Perhaps your ex-fiance still "tortures" you in your dreams, and perhaps not in your waking life because maybe your break-up still bothers you? Could it be that your subconscious is trying to let you know that you are still bothered by what happened? It's interesting that you have a dream about her with a child. Perhaps this is what you wanted with her? A life together, and a child? Sorry to hear that things didn't work out. These were interesting Dreams though.
Posted by Lady Hira | September 30, 2006 8:57 PM
Posted on September 30, 2006 20:57