I'm walking in Kissena Park, down this particular bend in the jogging path where the wild wheat grows. I turn the corner and on the side of the path there's a man (a little older than me) buried up to his shoulders in the dark wet dirt. He looks like he's been beaten stupid. He groans, swaying back and forth with a stupid expression on his face and a glazed look in his eyes. He is serverly bruised and cut up, and he's bleeding and drooling from every orifice and cut.
I know this man. I consider helping him, but decide it would take more than just me (especially because I don't have a shovel). So I walk home to get help.
I enter my living room and address my sister, who's on the couch.
- You'll never guess who I just saw.
- Who?
- Chris. Sarah's ex-boyfriend. (Sarah is a friend of my sister's. And Chris is her dorky, psychopath ex-boyfriend.)
- How nice.
- Someone planted him next to the road in Kissena Park. We should go get some shovels and dig him out.
- No. I don't think so, she says casually.
- We're just going to leave him there?
- Yep.
- Well, should I at least call the police and have them dig him out?
- You can do that if you want. Personally, I plan on sitting here and watching TV.
And with that she continued watching TV. I go upstairs to use my cellphone.
I sit on my bed with my Verizon phone out and I dial the numbers 911. A robotic female voice says
- I'm sorry, the number cannot be reached as dialed.
I am understandibly confused. I look at the screen of my phone and the characters aren't 911 (they are something like 3 to the exponent #_7.5). I look at the keys as I press them. 9-1-1. Once again they don't come out that way and the robotic female says
- The number cannot be reached as dialed--
- Yea, because of this stupid phone--
- Please hang up and try again.
I really bang my fingers into the keypad. And, once again, it comes out wrong.
- Please do not use physical force with your Verizon phone. Thank you.
I am extremely aggravated. I slam my fingers into the phone like an ape. The phone turns red and vibrates like a porcupine.
- Listen, honky, the female voice says, if you don't stop hitting your phone the Verizon police are gunna come around and plant your ass out.
I try to calmly dial my phone, but I am shaking with rage. I carefully press the buttons, 9-1-1.
- I'm sorry, the numb--
I throw the phone to the floor. Suddenly I hear a police siren and I dive under the covers of my bed.